Posted on September 3, 2009 - by Andy

Jesus Wept

A dude walks up to Jesus and says, “Hey. What do I have to do to get into heaven?”

“Why do you even have to ask that? There is only One who is good. If you want life, obey the commandments.” Jesus said.

“umm.. The Commandments…Which ones, all of them?” the dude asks in a surly sort of way.

“Don’t kill, don’t cheat, don’t steal, don’t lie, honor your folks, and love.” Jesus said.

“Yeah.. I do that stuff.” The dude says, “What else do I do wrong?”

Jesus said, “If you want to be perfect, go get all of your stuff. All of it. Give it to the poor and the marginalized. If you do this, you’ll have treasure beyond this Earth. Then, come and follow me. We’ll get stuff done.”

“Wait. ALL of my stuff?” dude asked.

“Yup.” Jesus said

“Ok. Surly not my iPod.” The dude said. “ I listen to worship music with that. I’ll need something to listen to, to fall asleep. Or, when the walks get lonely… or when you start telling those long stories that don’t make a lot of sense to me. When I get confused.. you know. It’s for God. My iPod I mean, it’s for God.”

“What part of all of it, don’t you understand?” Jesus asked… a little annoyed.

“Ok. Ok.” The dude says hesitantly. “I’ll get rid of my iPod. Just let me go gather my laptop, coat, and a change of underwear and shoes. Then I’ll come follow you.”

“Wait. What?”

“You know, I have to write about my journey with You Jesus. I mean… It’s You. I have to blog it or something. People have to hear this. And the shoes and underwear, I have sensitive feet, and I don’t want to chafe…. But I mean. I’ll give away everything else to the poor. When I get home.. you know. Once I’ve walked with you a while, and I know this whole thing is for serious.”

Jesus was floored. “What have I not provided for you? Did I not give you that laptop? Did I not give you those shoes, and those underwear? And now you don’t trust me? Dude, I don’t understand where your dilemma is. I mean. Yes. I want you to share your stories about me. But, do you not understand what I have said?”

“No bro, I get it. Get rid of my stuff, give it to the poor, and don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t steal. I get it, I get it. I’ll go get my stuff, and we can go.”

“Dude. I want to tell you something that might come as a surprise to you. I’m for real. It’s hard for a rich man to enter Heaven. A camel will have an easier time finding a needle in a haystack…..and then crawling through the eye of that needle than a rich man will have entering Heaven. Seriously dude. Do you get that?”

“Ok… so…. You want me to just come with you right now? No packing, nothing.. just get rid of all of my stuff… not sell it…. But give it away… and come with You? That kind of defeats why I’ve worked my whole life…. Right? I mean… isn’t that kind of…. Crazy? I mean… No offense Jesus, but, sorry, I can’t do that. I am out of PTO, and come to think of it… ‘House’ is on tonight…. Maybe tomorrow, since it is Wednesday, you could come back and just talk to my Church? I mean.. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, now.. I kind of want to enjoy that. You know? I like what you’ve done, so…. Yeah.. I think I’m gonna pass you up this time Jesus, but.. if you come back, I think I might be in more of a position to pull this journey off later… You know.. it’ll be a little more convenient for me.. Is that cool?”

Jesus Wept.